ask me anything:

21 September 2008

White wedding

Memory selects.
Time erases.
What is left, ripped by tonight's effort to remember, are just impromptu.

Our small feet stamped on the car windows, on the way to Tropea; his fatty yummy ears I was used to bite; his special way to kick the ball trying to score.

I remember that time I yelled at him coz of a fish he didn't catch and again when I got mad coz he was winning me at video games.

The more I remember, the more I feel how damn much I have unforgivingly forgotten.

But I can't forget that first time he started to dance sick, on our way back to the gym, during boxing training or when he repeated it while I was carrying him on the bicycle. I cant forget that dreadful night noise every time he was rolling sick down from his bed.

I was there with him, during those long, sad, lost years. But, much more, I wasn't.

I remember my lonely 30th bday and that letter with my promises and my excuses and, then, my inability to keep nor to honour them.
Ah cruel guilt, save me for a while, please, and let me end this post.

I remember long hair and skinhead, fatty body and skinny one, but never, I can tell, his eyes changed: not even when his mind went upside down.

I remember that time in my car I burst into tears and dared to finally caress his head.
Ah memories so sad and sweet.
They clench you to the past, and I can't believe that today he wanted me to his right side to get married. Eventually he's still just my little beloved brother who I still have to take care from up afar here, coz however I showed to be, I'd give my all for him.